


Undead

by Griffin Raynor (TheEbonHawk)



Category: Kingdoms of Amalur
Genre: Alyn Shir is mentioned but not present, Amnesia, Character Study, Encouragement, Existential Angst, Friendship, Gen, Identity Issues, The Fateless One doesn't know what kind of person she is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-04-21 08:43:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22057327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEbonHawk/pseuds/Griffin%20Raynor
Summary: Liisi Vale is the Fateless One, an undead Dokkalfar with not a single memory of her past life and no clue who she really is now. All she can do is muse on what her choices mean and hope things become clearer over time.
Relationships: Fateless One & Agarth
Kudos: 6





	Undead

**Author's Note:**

> So I started playing Kingdoms of Amalur recently and I'm just getting into the meat of the Fateless One's story. I find the concept of this character very interesting, and I figure these circumstances lend themselves really well to a very particular existential crisis. Existential crises are fun. I always appreciate comments but if anyone feels compelled to talk about story later in the game please hold off from giving any spoilers, even vague ones. I've only just met with the King in Asa so I still have a lot of plot to go through. Thanks for reading!

Liisi really doesn't know who she is. It works on two different levels, because obviously she doesn't remember who she used to be in her life, and now that she's back everyone has something to say about the kind of person she is, but she doesn't know if any of them are right. 

It's too early to tell, anyway, isn't it? Just in terms of time, she's basically an infant, brand new to this latest journey through the world of the living. She knows a few things she is not. She is not cruel, or solely self-interested. Since she's been alive again she's had numerous opportunities to screw an innocent being over for money or power or safety, and she's never yet done it. She helps people, even. But she's not exactly a good person, either. She steals at most every opportunity, although she becomes more selective over time as it becomes less necessary to take everything that isn't nailed down. 

She's struck a weird balance between looking out for herself and playing the hero when the call comes. She'll help defend towns from bandits and monsters, run for medicine to save the dying, and search for missing people in dark places. She's even prepared to shoulder the responsibility of changing the world's fate if it means sparing them from the Tuatha. But she's yet to get close to anyone, and her every good deed is met with reward and praise, while her more selfish or destructive choices are hidden or forgiven. Does she even count as good when she does these things just to feel alive? It could be worse, certainly but... Who would she be if she could remember?

She doesn't explain all of this to Agarth when she drinks with him in The Three Lamps, but she thinks he understands, somewhat. She doesn't know his full story either, but she knows he doesn't fancy himself much of a hero, despite all the time he's put into helping her. They both feel like they owe each other in a way, though by all accounts it should even out.

Liisi frowns at him as she takes a sip of her ale and then sets it back down. "I don't feel like a hero, Agarth. People keep saying I've changed their lives and I have the power of a god, but it sounds so... Stupid. I mean, when I'm not saving villages or preparing to face the Tuatha, I'm just a Traveler or a hired muscle. I do most of what I do for money or just to pass the time. Even all this stuff with the war and Fate I'm doing so we don't all die, so I don't die again. What about that makes me special?"

Agarth tilts his head at her and studies her with a perplexed, amused expression. He chuckles. "Dear girl, everything about you is special. The fact that you're alive, that you escaped Fate's grasp, even that you have the motivation to work outside of fighting for your own survival is remarkable. From what I've heard, you've rescued Didenhall and Canneroc almost single-handedly, and let's not forget that I would be dead if not for you."

Liisi sighs, fidgeting her fingers on the handle of her mug. "I  _ live  _ in Canneroc. What else was I going to do, let spiders overrun my house after I put all that gold into expanding it? And as for you and Didenhill, it doesn't take a hero to not want to watch somebody die right in front of them, much less half of a small village. These are things anyone would have done."

Agarth shakes his head. "My dear, you overestimate other people. Besides, it's not about what anyone else might do. It's what you  _ have _ done. You are, whether you like it or not, a good person. I mean, what were you thinking when you saved me? That it would benefit you somehow? Or did you just act on instinct?"

Liisi stares at the table, chewing the inside of her lip. She feels like saving Agarth should be a proud moment for her, but when she thinks of it she only has the memory of the fear and helplessness, and how she desperately lashed out against it. "You just seemed so scared, and I realized something horrible was about to happen. I couldn't save Hugues or the people at the Tower, and I didn't want to sit back and let Fate take you. So I just...reacted. It was barely even a decision, really."

Agarth gives her that look that always drives her a little crazy, that look of awe like he still can't believe she exists. Then he smiles. "You see? To me, that is a hero. Maybe it comes naturally and maybe it doesn't. What matters is that you value others, and you're willing to fight for them. That makes you special in my book. It seems to me you are the exact right person for this power."

Liisi doesn't know what to say. She doesn't feel like the right person, although she struggles to imagine who in Amalur would be worthy to shape Fate with their own hands. 

She shifts on her chair, drains the rest of her ale and mulls it all over in her head before eventually speaking again. "Sometimes I think Alyn knows me better than I'll ever know myself. It kind of scares me. Because I'm pretty sure some of the things she knows about me aren't so great."

Agarth frowns, shaking his head in an expression that vaguely reminds Liisi of fatherly disapproval. It makes her heart ache as she remembers that she has no real family, at least anymore. "I wish you wouldn't worry so much about what that woman thinks of you, or your past. What you were then has no bearing on what you are now. You've been given what everyone wants, child. A blank slate."

Liisi rests her right hand on her thigh and curls it into a little fist, willing her expression to stay blank and not show the depth of her sadness. It's a bit pointless, given the entire topic of conversation, but if she isn't careful she'll tear up, and if she tears up she'll cry, and she hasn't cried but once since she woke up in that pile of corpses and won't make a habit of it now.

"It's not what I want," she answers, flattening out her voice. "I just want to be a real person."

Agarth sighs. "I know, love. You'll get there."


End file.
